Three tips for improvement and some additional thoughts...

The following are three bits of advice given to me from three different people in criticism of the current draft of my story.

1. Don't give away the ending at the start - This refers to the very beginning of my story where I mention that a little girl changes how the takers think. This actually doesn't happen, she will change SOME minds though so the point is valid, and will make the ending more poignant.
2. Is 'woman' and 'man' creature-like enough? - I was told that these terms sort of destroy the creature-ness of the takers. I took this point on and attempted to rewrite initially but I've decided that while it may indeed lose the creature-ness feeling when reading the written word, the images in the book will be enough to maintain that essence, and therefore I'm probably going to keep that the same.
3. Is 'Liberty' a word that a child would use? - No, I wouldn't think so. Therefore I've removed that line and rewritten it to something more suitable (which I don't actually know right now).



I've been able to take a biiiig step back from my story over the past few days and I've managed to come up with some new thoughts.
First, why the hell does it need to be night time? And why does it need to be in the woods? I've created fictional creatures and yet I'm clinging to reality still. I think it's just because the woods was a major element of my original draft and I think nighttime was referenced ONCE in my current draft. I think I mention stars. Now since children's books benefit from being colourful, it would make total sense to have it set in the day time. This would require rewriting a couple of lines but that's not such a big deal. But nighttime is not without it's charms so I'm undecided still.
Finally, the takers can be colourful themselves. There's no reason why they can't be. And in fact, it would be much more visually appealing if they were, especially if it is going to take place at night. The last thing a kid wants is to open a book and see a bunch of dreary, desaturated illustrations... I assume. Also, the takers don't even need to look THAT similar to each other. This is my world, they can look however the hell I want them to look. If there's one thing I'm good at it's letting my imagination be thwarted by logic and rationality, and in this context, there really isn't much need to let that happen.
Now I'm going to bed.